Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Running with Angels

This is a difficult post for me, but I really want to share my experience. As most of you know, my dad has been very sick. He was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2005. I went to CA to spend 3 weeks with him over Thanksgiving. I had some amazing moments with him. We got home on Monday and he passed away on Friday evening. Even though I knew it was coming, I was devastated when I received the call. Saturday morning I just needed to be alone to process it all. The only place I feel truly alone is when I am running. I wanted to go for a long run even though I hadn't really been running since the marathon. I decided to do my favorite route which is to the LDS temple and back(20 miles total). I knew I wasn't ready for the "and back" part, so I asked Jeff if he would pick me up there. It was a perfectly gray, overcast morning, with the snow lightly falling. I had my music on in the background because I knew if I was completely alone with my thoughts, I wouldn't make it. I was able to contemplate my father, the wonderful man that he is, and my relationship with him. I felt especially close to him as I was running, as he has always been my personal cheerleader. I am not the naturally gifted athlete that my sisters are, but it never mattered to my dad. He just wanted me to try my best. I think he was happy when I found my passion for running as an adult. I loved telling him about my races and being so proud of my commitment and dropping times. He also was the first one I called after my disappointing first marathon. I always just wanted to make him proud, and I still do. I know he is there every step of my journey, running or otherwise. I know he will be right there with me when I qualify for Boston someday. I just feel so lucky to have a dad who is my greatest support. I am also grateful to know I will continue to have this connection with him when I am running. I used to rely on my running group a lot, but after this baby, I really had to learn to run alone. So even though I LOVE running with my friends, I know they will understand the times I need to run with my dad. I love him so much! When I am ready, I will post more about him on my personal blog.

9 comments:

Annie said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing such intimate thoughts and feelings about your father. What a wonderful time it must be for you to run "alone" so you can feel of his love even stronger.

katie said...

I was wondering since you have not posted. i am sorry to hear about your dad. I love that you have found something to do to remember him and allow him to still be very much apart of your life. I think you have nailed it on the head what mourning should be. Especially because of our belief. It is hard not to have them here, but to know that they are where they are. Thank you for this post, this really was sweet and helpful to me. My prayers are with you and your family.

Chelle said...

I can't find the right words to respond to this post. Just that I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing this with us. I feel honored that you would share these things of your heart. xo

Mel said...

I am sorry for you loss. Thanks for sharing this experience with us. You are in my thoughts.

cherl said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Kelly.

Ang said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad! He sounds like a wonderful man. Our prayers are with you and your family at this time.

Erin said...

Thank you for this post. I know that it came from the heart and I loved reading your post and feeling your pain and also your joy. I think that you must have somehow know that while you were picked up at the temple on your run...the temple is like our final destination, where our promises our made, and where we are promised LIFE. I have no doubt that your dad was with you on that run, feeling better than he has felt in a long time...no pain, no suffering...just running with you. I felt the spirit when I read your post and I thank you for the gentle reminder on this day of what is important, what this life means, and especially at this time of year...who made all things possible. I hope that you are supported during this difficult time, and that your holiday season is one of love, and the spirit.

Polliwog said...

Kelly, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm grateful you would share your thoughts and feelings in such an open way. Running is amazing--I'm glad you can feel that connection with your dad through it. I'll keep you in my prayers too.

hazeypurpleC said...

Hey Kel, Thanks for writing your thoughts. Dad was and is very proud of you. You are a beautiful, humble, sensitive person and I am proud to call you my sister. Thanks for everything. Love you lots, Crystal